a multi-faceted outreach project aimed at encouraging happy, healthy romantic & parent-child relationships

Taking Care of Business: Dispelling 5 Sexual Communication Myths

(Parts of this post were taken directly from my ebook, Finding the Love Guru in You, which is available for purchase HERE!)

Decades of research has shown that having sex, actually enjoying it, and especially orgasming multiple times a week is related to numerous health benefits, greater emotional well-being, stronger relationships, and even a longer life! Unfortunately, many couples are still plagued with dissatisfying sex lives, with some marriages even becoming sexless (i.e. couples who engage in sex less than 10 times per year) overtime. Many problems (but certainly not all) in the bedroom stem from unrealistic expectations about the inner workings of a healthy sexual relationship. Furthermore, many of the expectations that we have come from myths in our culture. While learning about the myths below can help you improve your outlook on sex, it's important to note that dispelling these myths is only part of the journey towards a more active and satisfying sex life.

The first myth states that people should automatically know how to sexually please their partners.  Many people assume that we should just be able to figure this stuff out. Lots of people believe that talking about what is and what is not sexually enjoyable should be an easy thing to do. The fact of the matter is that everyone is different. No two people have the same wants and needs in the bedroom. Behaviors and techniques that are considered to be pleasurable vary from person to person. For instance, one person may really like French kissing while another may be disgusted by the thought of another person’s tongue in his or her mouth. Without communication, it is impossible for you to know your partner’s specific sexual likes and dislikes. So, you can’t “just know” how to please your partner. Most individuals have very distinct sexual likes and dislikes. You and your partner need to open the lines of communication and talk about it. And, my ebook will help you do that. You may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

The second myth claims that good sexual communication is instinctual. In other words, people should just know how to talk about this stuff. But contrary to popular belief, this is not intuitive knowledge. In fact, being able to communicate about anything, especially about sexual desires, fantasies, and issues, is a learned behavior. It is a skill that you refine over time with a lot of practice. Couples can cultivate their ability to convey this information in an effective manner through communication skill training. Participating in the program outlined in my ebook will enhance your sexual coaching skills, which will, in turn, help you to maintain or improve your sex life with your partner.

A third myth contends that younger people are more sexually adventurous, so they shouldn’t have dissatisfaction issues. There are two components to this myth, both of which are inaccurate. First, I would venture to say that many young relationships experience more sexual awkwardness than you may think. Second, even if a couple is sexually adventurous, that does not mean that they are incapable of having sexual problems. Many sexually daring couples experience conflict due to a lack of stability between the sheets. If a couple is constantly trying something new, they may forget about the basic sexual behaviors and techniques that they like. Just because a couple is young doesn’t mean that they’re experimenting with a wide variety of sexual activities. And even if they are, adventure in the bedroom is not necessarily the mark of a satisfying sex life.

Myth number four declares that a married couple’s sex life is supposed to slow down. This is completely false. Since when does marriage, the incredibly wonderful (and many times) ultimate expression of love between two people mean that sex and romance goes out the window? There is no excuse for your sex life to suffer because you decided to declare your love for each other in front of your family and friends. You heard me. Kids, work, and hobbies should not take the place of the sexual relationship you have with your significant other. You can still have these things (kids, work, & hobbies), but you need to make sure that you don’t neglect your marriage behind closed doors. Marriage is a time when you and your mate can, and should, explore all of your sexual wants, needs, and fantasies between the sheets. Sex is important. But, I don’t have to tell you that. It is necessary that married people make time to make love.

The last myth explains that people should like the same sexual behaviors throughout their lives. Have you liked the same food your whole life? The truth is that people's preferences change overtime. You may have liked a certain position when you were younger, but you're bored with it. Or you may have disliked oral sex as a twenty-something, but have recently come around to the idea. Regardless of how the change occurred, your sexual likes and dislikes have most likely shifted over the years. This further adds to the significance of sexual communication, and especially sexual coaching, in your relationship. Talking about sex should be an ongoing conversation between you and your partner. This is not a one-time talk. It's important to "check-in" with your mate every once in a while to see how things are going. Maybe you want to try something new or maybe your partner doesn't like to be touched in a certain way anymore. The only way to find out this information is to talk about it.


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